I have cried over a math test before. My Calculus BC teacher had this weird pick-your-own-problems grading system for his exams. We could use up to two stars. If we drew a star next to a problem, he would decrease the amount of points it was worth on the overall test. If we didn't star two problems, he would choose them for us randomly. (I said it was a really weird system, didn't I?)
He didn't notice that I had starred one of the problems on the exam. The star was right there next to the problem number. It dramatically reduced my score, and when I told him about it after he returned our test, he was resistant to revising it. He said, "How do I know that you didn't put star the question after I returned the test?" He told me that he would think about it, but didn't make any promises.
Well, some teachers are a little difficult. I didn't feel bad about the mistake until my friend told me that he would be livid about it. And so did my parents. This is not right. This is a big deal, they stressed. Why, I would have gone directly to the person above him.
I became much more stressed about this issue than before. None of us were that concerned about my grades, but my parents cared about the principle of things, and I just wanted to keep the peace.
After that, I tried to approach my teacher again in class, and he brushed me off. I tried to find him after school, but my counselor told me that he had already left after the department meeting. (She gave me a very comforting talk though.) I suppose I walked around looking a little miserable, because a former teacher asked me what was wrong. After hearing my story, he said that there wasn't anything the department could do, but that he would tell my teacher that I was looking for him. I told him that he didn't have to do that; he did it anyway.
Somewhat anticlimactically, I finally had that talk with my teacher after school, and we resolved the issue. I still think of this teacher fondly, even to this day.
This story feels very unimportant to me now because I made it unimportant. I already knew that I was weak against my parents, and that my negative emotions tend to be unhelpful, since most things turn out alright. I already knew that most people were kind and willing to lend a friendly ear, like my counselor and my former teacher.
Do filler episodes matter? This episode showcases me as an emotional teenager, one that crumples like a napkin under pressure. I certainly don't think of myself as an emotional teenager. It's scrubbed out my narrative.
My determination to please my parents and my neuroticism are a part of me. I can't deny that. Occasionally these traits work out in my favor, like when I need motivation to analyze Jane Eyre to the best of my ability. Other times it gets out of hand, and leaves me feeling upset for a while.
Rarely does it happen that who we "are" is who we want to "be." The act of "being" takes effort. We have a tendency to warp under stress, and it is only with effort and vision that we stay on the straight path.